I am forever fascinated by the medium of Online Social Media and the conversations that result because of the way we communicate Online.  I like to sit back and watch what happens over mediums such as Twitter and Facebook.  This may make me sound like a stalker or a perve but as I’m not the most technically minded person (thankfully we don’t have a video player so one less thing to program!) my motivation is simple.  I want to find out if there is a common thread emerging.  And yes, I think there is.

This common thread appears in the language we use.  It is interesting to note that words such as; authenticity, transparency, honesty, trust, genuineness, safety, respect, security, integrity, congruency, all seem to come up when speaking about Social Media. These are Values and I want to have a chat about Values and what that means when communicating Online.

So what is a Value

Very simply, if you place importance on something then you value it.  Therefore they are the way we judge good and bad, right and wrong, appropriateness and inappropriateness.  In our minds we unconsciously arrange our values in hierarchies.  As we evaluate our actions, the more important values are usually searched for first.  After the more important values are found and satisfied, then the next most important ones become important.  What that ultimately means is that:

Values are the unconscious rules by which we live by.

If we feel that life is meaningless or pointless, if we feel conflict over issues at work or home, in our relationships with ourselves and with others then it is often a conflict of these values.  Because values are emotional states we want to experience on a daily basis they shape our decisions and ultimately what our lives will look like.

It’s just that for most of us we don’t fully appreciate what our values are.  We have loose conversations around them for example, you may value freedom but if you rank freedom higher than commitment what is that costing you?  Are you committing to your health, your relationships, your career?  Or are you seemingly unconsciously sabotaging your own efforts to get ahead?

At this point I must draw on the research done by the sociologist Morris Massey who says that young people go through a series of developmental periods in the creation of their major core values.  There are three major periods that a person will go through in values and personality formation.  These are the Imprint period, which occurs from birth until age 7, the Modelling Period, which is from 8 – 13 and the Socialization Period from 14 to 21.

Imprint Period

The Imprint Period from birth to age 7 is the time when we are like a sponge.  We pick up and store everything that goes on in our environment.  We get our basic programming during this time.

Modelling Period

The Modelling Period is from 8 – 13.  This is when a child begins to consciously and unconsciously model basic behaviours.  Perhaps you can recall a time when you modelled adults during this time?  It is also during this time that children develop heroes and will start picking up the values of the people they have made into their heroes.

Socialisation Period

The Socialization Period occurs from 14 – 21 years of age.  The young adult here picks up relationships and social values, most of which will be used throughout the rest of his or her life.  At age 21 values formation is just about complete. So much of this relationship building will be Online.

What that means for our communication Online

You may feel that perhaps this isn’t too relevant to how we communicate Online.  However, if authenticity, for example, is in your top 5 values and you don’t feel that someone is being authentic with you Online then this will lead to feelings of mistrust and doubt.  As we do not have the luxury of tonality or body language cues when we communicate through Social Media we will make our own judgements based on our values beliefs and experiences, then we give it the meaning we think fits it best.

You cannot NOT have a persona

So are you ultimately in charge of your own brain?  By bringing awareness to your values it helps us determine the level of Emotional Intelligence we will then carry forward to our communication and ultimately the relationships we build both off and Online.